Sometimes I spend half the day wishing I could have some time to myself, and when it comes around I don't know what to do with it. It seems a waste to watch TV, it seems a waste to do nothing. What were we designed to do with all this time. Surely not just the dishes and the laundry.

While being bitten by a tiny set of gums this morning, I found a tooth, peeping up. Which was very exciting as it's the very first, I'd quite forgotten about teething gel for the last few days too, no wonder she was grumpy.

Inspired by a friend last night I began. So now where do I go, My Dad was talking to me yesterday about fear of failure stopping you starting new things, well I lay in bed last night wondering what I could write that people would want to read, that also makes me sound interesting, intelligent and cultured. I may be those things, but I've spent the last 7 months with my daughter, and intellectual conversation has been limited.

As Poppy sleeps upstairs, I dig deep to find a part of myself that has itself been asleep for some time. Its all so tied up with hope and dreams of who I want to be, and how I want to live. I get frustrated as I think about things I'd like to do, and think, I only have one life if I want to do something, live a certain way then I should do it.

I want to live a real life, in touch with the world around me in an eco friendly way, (whatever that means.) I want to grow my own food, recycle (shame that seems to mean I have to share my rather small kitchen with an increasingly large collection of sticky bottles, whilst I try to persuade Joel they need to go to the bottle bank.)

I want a walking through fields, make things myself, eat good food, reduce my carbon foot print (now that's a wordy one, do you know what it is? I'm not exactly sure I can tell you, but its to do with less air travel, which is a huge pollutant, not taking the car to the corner shop if you could walk, that sort of stuff. The band Coldplay planted enough trees to neutralize the footprint made by the production of there last album apparently.)

I'd like to have renewable energy, and think maybe the British government should make it compulsory for us to put solar panels on our roofs, and why do people complain about wind turbines when we have big bad electricity pylons stringing there way across the country.

Thats more of a rant than I intended, but maybe its better to try and fail, than delete this entire blog.

Its way too late to have started this, its only 10.25pm but the chances are i will be up at least once for at least 30 minutes sometime tonight while i'd rather be sleeping. but i'm curious to know if i've done this right, and having spent so long trying to set the thing up (twice, i think there is another one out there floating around but i can find it.) I dont want to have wasted time, especially when i could have been sleeping.